Squirrels, Poised and Ready For Attack

Recently, I have been doing a little soul-searching regarding alternate sources of protein. This started when I noticed an unnatural abundance of squirrels in our yard. They delight in digging in my vegetable garden. Not to eat, which would be understandable, but just to dig up whatever seedlings I just planted. People don't believe me, but I am convinced these little buggers suffer from serious passive aggressive streak. I once had a squirrel bring a perfectly ripe melon onto my porch, take one large bite out of it, and leave it there so I would be sure to see it. There are just so many things wrong with rodents exhibiting this sort of behavior.

For a while, I prayed for more predators in my back yard. Nature has a way of taking care of itself, right? Surely, I wasn't the only one to notice the abundance, of fat juicy squirrels. Amazingly, my prayers were answered and since this winter we have gained a resident pair of red shouldered hawks, a very large coyote, and most recently, a family of red foxes. Unfortunately, they just can't keep up, because, as my friend Mike observed; you could swing a cat and hit five or six of them!

But wait! Aren't humans predators? Shouldn't I be helping balance the rodent to predator ratio too? How many times do I get the opportunity to solve a problem by eating it? Killing two squirrels with one stone so to speak.

The real question here is, do I actually want to consume a rodent? Is a "tree rat" a little too close to a regular rat? But the truth is, as much as I hesitate, secretly I am also rather curious as to what these little grey annoyances taste like. I imagine them tasting like rabbit, although an article I read suggested they taste more like duck. Mmmm...furry duck, that has potential.

Cautiously, I have begun seeking out recipes. I started with the only preparation I had ever heard about for squirrel- Brunswick stew. Sounds pretty benign and almost sophisticated until you read the ingredients. This is a stew made with, gasp- okra (one of the very few foods I will not eat), corn, lima beans, large quantities of KETCHUP, Worcestershire sauce, stewed tomatoes, chicken broth. Ketchup in stew? A resounding blech! Oh, and like burgoo, the type of meat you choose for this culinary disaster is optional. It could be squirrel, but could also include everything from chicken, rabbit, opossum, raccoon, woodchuck etc. etc. Oh, the horror! Eating on the lower side of the food chain seems like a very slippery slope.

Then, a well-timed article from Ms. Yum Yum came to the rescue. It was a story about how in Britain, a natural food store can't keep their free range squirrel meat from selling out. It included a recipe for squirrel meat pie that really buoyed my enthusiasm. Truthfully, it made me feel a whole lot better knowing that there were people, other than straving toothless red necks with unexplained extra appendages, that ate squirrels. Then came another recipe for squirrels with cream sauce! And finally, squirrel and sausage gumbo. Hussah! This is a little more like it. Now that I am armed with some solid culinary guidance all I need is a couple of squirrels. Waste not, want not and cue up that theme music from Jaws....